Why Comedians Should Try Online Gambling Instead of Chasing Kill Tony

Every comic has had the thought: “If I can just get on Kill Tony, my career will take off.” And then reality sets in: the odds of your name being pulled from that bucket are about the same as winning the Powerball using the birthday of your dumbass sister-in-law.

And even if you do get pulled? Well… the odds of not bombing under those stage lights, with Tony Hinchcliffe smirking at you like a lizard in a velvet jacket, are even worse.

So here’s a wild thought: instead of spending five years hovering over a red bucket like it’s the Holy Grail, maybe take your chances where the odds are actually friendlier — at Reel Lucky U or Play Sweepstakes Online.

The Bucket Is Brutal

Let’s face it: Kill Tony’s bucket isn’t a bucket. It’s a black hole that eats comedians and spits out a few names each week. Sometimes comedians, but mostly untreated schizophrenics who need to get something off their chest. Meanwhile, dozens of you sit there pretending to laugh while secretly practicing your opener about your dumbass sister-in-law in your head.

At Reel Lucky U, the odds are way better. At least the slots don’t look you in the eye after you bomb and say, “You ever think about quitting comedy?”

The Highpoints of Kill Tony vs the Highpoints of Online Sweepstakes

• Kill Tony has Kam Patterson liking rocks

• Online sweeps flat out rock

• Kill Tony has David Lucas roasting the panel

• Online sweepstakes games won't make fun of your denim outfit (we think you look great)

• Kill Tony has Shane Gillis nailing a Donald Trump impression

• Online sweepstakes games have the potential to lower your personal debt ceiling

So forget chasing 58 seconds of polite chuckles and Redban choosing the wrong soundboard button.

You don't need to rely on bucket pulls to feel like a winner when you visit Play Sweepstakes Online. You can actually win real money while staying safe and legal.

Why Comics Should Love Online Gambling

• Same adrenaline rush. Except instead of praying for a laugh, you’re praying for three cherries in a row.

• No waiting in buckets. The slot machine doesn’t care how many open mics you’ve done.

• Way less roasting. The dealer isn’t going to tell you your Tinder jokes suck.

Final Thought

If you’re a comic thinking about flying to Austin, waiting in line for four hours, and praying to the bucket gods for your big break — maybe take a detour.

Reel Lucky U and Play Sweepstakes Online give you better odds, actual prizes, and zero chance of being told by Tony Hinchcliffe that your act “made him want to waterboard himself.” You can even play from your phone while you pretend to listen to a list of grievances being laid out by your dumbass sister-in-law.

Take it from William Montgomery: WE AIN’T EVER GONNA STOP! …giving you advice on how to win money safely.