NFL Betting Data Is In: Never Trust a Coach in Capri Pants

The numbers don’t lie. After three weeks of football, our groundbreaking analytics have revealed the smartest bet you can make this NFL season: always go against the coach wearing capri pants.

We don’t know if it’s the restricted blood flow, the breezy ankles, or just the sheer disrespect to the profession, but the record speaks for itself. And if you need proof, look no further than Miami.

Dolphins: Now 0–3 After Buffalo Smackdown

Last night, the Bills reminded everyone that Miami’s offense is about as consistent as a gas station slushie machine. The Dolphins fell to 0–3, and suddenly the hype around Mike McDaniel’s “offensive genius” looks more like “offensive jeans rolled up to his calves.”

From 0-Tua to 0-Threea

Tua Tagovailoa has had his share of head injuries, which is no laughing matter… but also, we can’t ignore it: the man literally got his name because its his answer to “How many fingers am I holding up?” Sorry, Tua it was actually four fingers.

The Dolphins QB looked rattled again, and bettors who keep trusting Miami spreads are starting to feel the same way.

Tyreek Hill: Perpetually Surprised He’s Unhappy

And then there’s Tyreek Hill, who’s once again “not happy with the offense.” Shocking news. This is like saying water is wet or that the Raiders are bad at football.

Here’s the stat line that says it all: over the past year, Tyreek has produced more new children than touchdowns. His next end zone celebration should double as a baby shower.

Betting Takeaway

So what’s the move for bettors this season? Forget complex metrics and advanced analytics. Just follow the golden rule:

• If the coach’s pants don’t reach his shoes, your money shouldn’t reach his team.

That means when you’re placing your wagers at Safe Online Gaming’s partners like Bovada, you avoid the capris. Every time.

Final Word

The Dolphins might turn it around eventually, but right now, betting on them feels like betting your rent money on a coin flip — except the coin is weighted, on fire, and Tyreek Hill is screaming at it for not giving him enough touches.

Play smart, play safe, and remember: when in doubt, avoid the capri pants.